This is how it goes now. My husband has been retrenched again. What now, we ask once again.
The job market is so dead at the moment and we have 3 children to care for. There is rent to pay and school fees(we found out too late to apply for subsidy).
3/07/2010
CAN AN AFFAIR REALLY SAVE A MARRIAGE?
HUSBANDS HAVING AFFAIRS AND CAN AN AFFAIR REALLY SAVE A MARRIAGE?
Over a year ago my husband had an affair and I am still dealing with it today. I can't get over it and I am not sure that it will never happen again.
Certainly our relationship is different now and a lot stronger than it was back then, but who is to say that when, and if the opportunity presents itself, he won't lose his head and heart again to another.
At the time of the affair we were having problems and had been having them for about 5 years. But you still don't expect to hear your husband say he wants a divorce because he has met someone else. He met someone online and was head over heels and wanted to know nothing about me and the kids, he just wanted to go off and be with this new love.
Things didn't quite work out that way, but I suppose if I had let him go then it would have been a disaster, because the way things happened and what took place he would have come running back to me and I probably would have taken him back anyway.
How can you love someone you have met online and have not even spoken to. Is it possible to fall in love that way. Of course I had no idea that he had met her online, the lie was that they had met at a club and had practically been living together and that she was now pregnant from him. This what he told me in an email, because he believed that if I heard this story I would immediately agree to a divorce.
Let's go back a few steps, my husband was working in the middle east and the kids and I were back home in Cape Town. We were in the process of moving and over that two week period I had a feeling that all was not well with my husband, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Anyway, we moved and the first weekend in our new place, I get a call from my husband saying I must check my email and then we will talk. I was at the shops when the call came so I assured him that as soon as I got back home I would check my email. I had no idea what it was going to be and rushed home after doing the shopping so that I could see what was in the email.
Of course what I read there was devastating to say the least. Our daughter was on the phone with her father while I was reading the email and I told her to say goodbye and then I hung up the phone without even speaking to him. A few minutes later he phoned back and I had a few juicy things to say to him. I was shocked and hurt and angry. How could he tell me that he had been practically living with another woman over there and now she was pregnant and he wanted a divorce so they could get married.
Later I found that this had been a lie. He had signed up at an online dating site and had met her there. There had been only emails between the two of them and he was planning to fly to Russia to meet her. As much as I loved him at that moment I hated him more and if he had been standing in front of me, I probaby would have killed him with my bear hands. After all that we had been through and our two children, how dare he hurt me this way.
He continued with the lie for a long time after that, but he agreed to give her up and give us another chance. He would phone me and tell me that she is threatening to have an abortion if he didn't go back to her. I knew that it was a lie and that he was trying to put me in a spot where I would say go to her. That wasn't going to happen and I waited for an opportunity to tell him that I knew the truth and he could stop lying. Someone gave me the all the dating web sites where he had a profile and his username and passwords and I wreaked havoc with this information.
My husband was retrenched from that job and came home and on the evening that he arrived I let him know that I know the truth of what really went on while he was away and he could stop the lying. Because at the time that this was going on, he said that he had some clothes at her apartment and would have to go and fetch it, but if he went there then he would end up in bed with her.
Now the reason for writing all this, I am sometimes still hurt more by the lies than the truth. Even though he never slept with her, because as far as I know she is still in Russia, it still hurts to think that he could tell me such an elaborate lie and it was a possibility. If he had met someone there then it could have happened and how do I know that it didn't.
Will I ever trust him again, no! Will I ever let him go and work in a foreign country again, no! As much as I love him, I don't think that I will ever be able to trust, every morning when he leaves for work I wonder who will he meet today, will he come home and tell me he is moving out.
He knows how I feel and is constantly re assuring me that it won't happen again because he love me too much and has realised just how much he was throwing away for someone he barely knew.
I believe things will work out for the best, we even went and had another baby girl. I don't ever want to lose him and I can't see a future without me and I would rather crawl into a hole in the ground than live without my husband.
Now, can an affair save a marriage?
Yes, I believe that under certain circumstances it can. It certainly saved my marriage. Although it is not perfect it certainly is stronger than it was before the affair and the things that were lacking in the relationship has now been found and continuously built upon.
Before your marriage goes down the tubes and either you or your partner start looking elsewhere for love, remember why you fell in love in the first place and keep working on the relationship. Time to be parents, time to be responsible for the home, most important time just for each other and intimacy.
Don't let it get away from you and don't let the problems dictate the marriage. Deal with problems as they arise and get them out of the way before they try and remove you from your loved one.
In closing, I didn't write about all the pain that I went thru, or the fact that I lost 20 pounds in two weeks, or the fact that I almost committed suicide. I cried for hours on end and could not sleep at night and did not want to go anywhere, because the one constant in my life, my husband, was being ripped from me. Everywhere I went and everything I saw reminded me of him and the love we shared.
It was the most difficult time of my life and I dont want to go thru that again.
Over a year ago my husband had an affair and I am still dealing with it today. I can't get over it and I am not sure that it will never happen again.
Certainly our relationship is different now and a lot stronger than it was back then, but who is to say that when, and if the opportunity presents itself, he won't lose his head and heart again to another.
At the time of the affair we were having problems and had been having them for about 5 years. But you still don't expect to hear your husband say he wants a divorce because he has met someone else. He met someone online and was head over heels and wanted to know nothing about me and the kids, he just wanted to go off and be with this new love.
Things didn't quite work out that way, but I suppose if I had let him go then it would have been a disaster, because the way things happened and what took place he would have come running back to me and I probably would have taken him back anyway.
How can you love someone you have met online and have not even spoken to. Is it possible to fall in love that way. Of course I had no idea that he had met her online, the lie was that they had met at a club and had practically been living together and that she was now pregnant from him. This what he told me in an email, because he believed that if I heard this story I would immediately agree to a divorce.
Let's go back a few steps, my husband was working in the middle east and the kids and I were back home in Cape Town. We were in the process of moving and over that two week period I had a feeling that all was not well with my husband, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Anyway, we moved and the first weekend in our new place, I get a call from my husband saying I must check my email and then we will talk. I was at the shops when the call came so I assured him that as soon as I got back home I would check my email. I had no idea what it was going to be and rushed home after doing the shopping so that I could see what was in the email.
Of course what I read there was devastating to say the least. Our daughter was on the phone with her father while I was reading the email and I told her to say goodbye and then I hung up the phone without even speaking to him. A few minutes later he phoned back and I had a few juicy things to say to him. I was shocked and hurt and angry. How could he tell me that he had been practically living with another woman over there and now she was pregnant and he wanted a divorce so they could get married.
Later I found that this had been a lie. He had signed up at an online dating site and had met her there. There had been only emails between the two of them and he was planning to fly to Russia to meet her. As much as I loved him at that moment I hated him more and if he had been standing in front of me, I probaby would have killed him with my bear hands. After all that we had been through and our two children, how dare he hurt me this way.
He continued with the lie for a long time after that, but he agreed to give her up and give us another chance. He would phone me and tell me that she is threatening to have an abortion if he didn't go back to her. I knew that it was a lie and that he was trying to put me in a spot where I would say go to her. That wasn't going to happen and I waited for an opportunity to tell him that I knew the truth and he could stop lying. Someone gave me the all the dating web sites where he had a profile and his username and passwords and I wreaked havoc with this information.
My husband was retrenched from that job and came home and on the evening that he arrived I let him know that I know the truth of what really went on while he was away and he could stop the lying. Because at the time that this was going on, he said that he had some clothes at her apartment and would have to go and fetch it, but if he went there then he would end up in bed with her.
Now the reason for writing all this, I am sometimes still hurt more by the lies than the truth. Even though he never slept with her, because as far as I know she is still in Russia, it still hurts to think that he could tell me such an elaborate lie and it was a possibility. If he had met someone there then it could have happened and how do I know that it didn't.
Will I ever trust him again, no! Will I ever let him go and work in a foreign country again, no! As much as I love him, I don't think that I will ever be able to trust, every morning when he leaves for work I wonder who will he meet today, will he come home and tell me he is moving out.
He knows how I feel and is constantly re assuring me that it won't happen again because he love me too much and has realised just how much he was throwing away for someone he barely knew.
I believe things will work out for the best, we even went and had another baby girl. I don't ever want to lose him and I can't see a future without me and I would rather crawl into a hole in the ground than live without my husband.
Now, can an affair save a marriage?
Yes, I believe that under certain circumstances it can. It certainly saved my marriage. Although it is not perfect it certainly is stronger than it was before the affair and the things that were lacking in the relationship has now been found and continuously built upon.
Before your marriage goes down the tubes and either you or your partner start looking elsewhere for love, remember why you fell in love in the first place and keep working on the relationship. Time to be parents, time to be responsible for the home, most important time just for each other and intimacy.
Don't let it get away from you and don't let the problems dictate the marriage. Deal with problems as they arise and get them out of the way before they try and remove you from your loved one.
In closing, I didn't write about all the pain that I went thru, or the fact that I lost 20 pounds in two weeks, or the fact that I almost committed suicide. I cried for hours on end and could not sleep at night and did not want to go anywhere, because the one constant in my life, my husband, was being ripped from me. Everywhere I went and everything I saw reminded me of him and the love we shared.
It was the most difficult time of my life and I dont want to go thru that again.
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